Zabransky: Latin for Stages of Beard Growth

All of my Oklahoma friends, and some of the others, surely remember Jared Zabransky.

He, if you don't remember, quarterbacked the Boise State Broncos over the Oklahoma Sooners in the Fiesta Bowl following the 2006-2007 season. Normally I wouldn't enjoy bringing up the Red Headed Field General and his hideous "Z" tattoo, but I just had to this one time. I was thinking in the shower, and my thoughts accidentally led me astray. First I was thinking about facial hair, which was fine, but then I started thinking about Jared Zabransky. This startled me so I instantly tried to justify it by segwaying back into a normal train of thought... his career on the turf, even if it was blue.

Well, my friends at Oklahoma, and some of the others, you surely remember my various stages of beardom as well. Sometimes my beard just didn't look right, sometimes it was full and trim, sometimes non-existent and other times in the stages of growth. Well, here is some news for you. Unless you are Mr. Creecy, who always has a perfectly sculpted face display, all beards go through various stages of growth and performance.

"What does this have to do with that dude who pulled off the Statue of Liberty play?"
-You guys

I'm gonna tell you.

In 2002, Zabransky's (from now on I will call him Z, because I'm tired of typing that name) first year on the team, he was redshirted. He had to sit on the bench, waiting for his time to take the field and guide his team to victory. Hmm, this reminds me of my freshman year of college. I knew that my beard was in there, but it didn't have the confidence to come out and lead me to the places it would eventually be capable of. I left all the beard growing to my roommate, Duke.

In 2003 Z had to play the role of backup to Ryan Dinwiddie. This, assumingly, is the year in which he attained his confidence. He played on occasion, completing 11 of 23 passes for 180 yards and one touchdown. That's nice. Sometimes in my second year of school I had what some 12-year-olds might consider a beard too, but it's nothing to brag about.

In 2004 Z finally got his chance to shine. And shine he did. He took over as fulltime QB and led his team to an 11-1 record, losing only to a supreme Louisville team. He received several accolades, including honorable mention All-America and team MVP. Thinking back on it, the first time I went for it and grew a beard I did it hard and fast. It got perfectly full, I kept it trim, it looked nice and it didn't make any mistakes without my permission.

One summer break later Z is back on the field. He has done this before, he knows what he is doing. Oh wait, season opener vs. the Georgia Bulldogs. Z threw four interceptions in the first half along with fumbling the ball. He went on to start all 13 games for his team, threw for over 2,500 yard with 18 touchdowns, but looked sloppy along the way throwing 16 interceptions as well. Let me tell you, this is what will happen the second time you grow your face-warmer out. It's not such a new idea, you let it go on occasion and it probably looks bad to members of the opposite sex (which hopefully always means female).

This brings us to that fateful football season, 2006. Paul Thompson and his moustache just weren't enough to stop the beard-like Zabransky. Z got the win on a well-executed trick play and his name went down in history. It was the end of his college career and no one was going to remember any of the bad anymore, he had gotten them into a BCS bowl and defeated a national powerhouse team in Oklahoma. Looking back on my college career I don't remember any of the mornings I looked into the mirror and thought to myself that I looked like a jackass, I only remember the mornings where I looked into the mirror and my beard flexed it's biceps at me.

But college is over, and it's time to go to work and get paid. That means I won't be having a beard again for a while.

Hey, that reminds me of Z. He didn't get drafted, was signed by the Texans, cut, then picked up by the Steelers. Sorry Z, you won't be the QB for a while either, Roethlisberger is their man.

-Sam